


13.5

by were1993



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 04:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/were1993/pseuds/were1993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zhoumi doesn't mind being half a person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	13.5

_one_.

Zhoumi makes his first mistake on national TV. It’s the first episode of Explorers of the Human Body and he trips over his own name.

_Jom-my-jomu-_

They don’t edit it out because Heechul smacks him and Hankyung smacks _him_.

(This was the start of many things but not of their story.)

-

 _two_.

Super Junior had fourteen members: Leetuek, Heechul, Yesung, Kangin, Hankyung, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Ryeowook, Kibum, Kyuhyun, Zhoumi and Henry.

No, it wasn’t fifteen. It was fourteen. Get it right.

- 

 _three_.

In 2007, Zhoumi turned twenty-one. He sat in his dorm room and waited for something to happen. He waited for some kind of reassurance that yes, coming to Korea was worthwhile. 

It was a stupid to look for signs at twenty-one, but he never claimed to be a completely rational person. 

Zhoumi falls asleep around one in the morning, but it wouldn’t have mattered whether he was awake or not. He wouldn’t have heard the car crash several miles away. 

His omen. Whether it was good or bad, at twenty-one, Zhoumi couldn’t say. 

(This was not the beginning of the story, but it was close enough.)

-

_four._

After the number movements, you’d think the management would be smarter about adding members to Super Junior. Even so, they chose to add not just one but two at the same time.

Henry had already worked with Super Junior for Don’t Don and Zhoumi knew Heechul—and Hankyung but it really was Heechul that mattered, Heechul said.

-

 _five_.

“I don’t mind being half a person. Not after meeting you.”

Furious scribbling on paper and a genuine laugh.

“I know. I know you don’t.”

-

 _six_. 

The first time he meets Kyuhyun, Zhoumi skips practice. He knows that the instructors will give him hell later. He’s really behind on _everything_. Even so, he skips and takes the subway to the hospital and doesn’t get lost. He goes there often enough to see Heechul. 

Zhoumi stands at the bottom of the hospital steps, trying to figure out how to convince the receptionist that he really was Kyuhyun long-lost brother and not some random stranger. He couldn’t. 

So he calls Heechul and tells him the truth. Heechul doesn’t laugh at him, not the dry broken laughter everyone else had, and he’s unusually solemn when he hangs up. It isn’t even two minutes later when Zhoumi’s phone buzzed with a text message. A room number. 

So when he meets Kyuhyun for the first time—that’s a lie, he’s met Kyuhyun before in the passing but never like this, he’s scared. He’s so scared that he starts talking even before he introduces himself. 

Kyuhyun is sitting on the hospital bed, pale and confused. And finally, he laughs. Even though his voice is barely above a whisper and cracks in all the wrong places, Zhoumi doesn’t think he’s heard anything more beautiful. 

- 

 _seven_. 

In making this decision, the management wasn’t completely stupid, and they played into the negative emotions that splayed throughout the ELFs. Guilt of the death threats almost came true and of the ill wishes that _did_ come true, and anger at each other—for cursing their lucky thirteen and for cursing them for past mistakes. 

The blue ocean was stormy when they set Zhoumi and Henry into the waves, and to be honest, no one expected this to work. Not even the executives who made this decision. They had been ready to pull back immediately if necessary. 

It wouldn’t have worked. At least, it shouldn’t have. But it did. 

It wasn’t without loss though. Zhoumi became half a person. 

(But now they were accepted: number 13.5 and number 14.) 

- 

 _eight_. 

It happened something like this. 

They’re talking about Kyuhyun on some interview. Kyuhyun’s still in the hospital and his career pretty much gone. They talk about his beautiful voice and biting humor. They, meaning everyone but Zhoumi and Henry. 

Fourteen and fifteen aren’t apart of _they_. And from the past couple of months, Zhoumi knew there was no place for fourteen and fifteen. Not in the eyes of the fans and not in the eyes of the members _yet_ —wounds still too fresh and the addition still too sudden. 

Zhoumi looks up only to see Siwon’s careful eyes on him. He offers a weak smile and Siwon offers him the microphone. 

“Jomi-hyung went to see Kyuhyun in the hospital,” is all the explanation Siwon gives and Zhoumi knew the younger man talked to Heechul, or maybe Heechul talked to Siwon. Either way, the microphone gets pushed into his hands. 

He almost drops it. The weight of speech suddenly too heavy for his shaking arms. 

“I did,” Zhoumi whispers. Leeteuk nudges him from behind with a quiet whisper to speak into the microphone and to speak louder, probably with a large smile plaster on his lips. His advice is neither given affectionately nor unkindly. 

Zhoumi clears his throat and repeats it. 

Hangeng coughs nervously but otherwise does nothing. Siwon has careful eyes again and Henry is looking at his bangs. 

“I told him—” 

-

 _nine_. 

“—I’m not replacing him,” Zhoumi said, almost pleading, almost begging—who? “There’s no way I could replace anyone.” 

 _But you are. They’re adding you as a vocal. You are replacing Kyuhyun_. 

“I—maybe to the company, but I could never replace Kyuhyun to the members or the fans,” Zhoumi said, partially justifying, partially denying—to who? “He’s too important to Super Junior. I can’t replace something vital.” 

 _Fans are fickle. They’ll forget him soon enough. Care a little more about yourself. The fans are going to be brutal. Kyuhyun will be fine._  

“No.” 

That’s when he decides he needs to meet Kyuhyun and skips practice. 

(Maybe it was then that he became half a person. Maybe it was later at the foot of Kyuhyun’s hospital bed or on the way to the hospital or maybe earlier that night he turned twenty-one.) 

-

 _ten_. 

It was easy to win some over and not so easy for others. In terms of the members, Heechul was pivotal. 

“You think by being an ass to Seasoning, you’re helping Kyuhyun?” 

Heechul is all force and no tact. Zhoumi is all tact and no force. It was like exceptionally bad cop and ridiculously good cop. 

His methods are crude and straight, but they worked. Well, they worked because his words rung true. 

The other members could be unreasonable, but at the end of the day, they were trying to cope with the death of a friend’s dream. A dream they all supported and worked for together until now. 

Zhoumi understood, but Kyuhyun didn’t. 

-

 _eleven_. 

Their friendship was a strange thing. 

It began with Zhoumi wanting forgiveness and Kyuhyun wanting hope. Zhoumi barged in that day with a mixture of Korean and Chinese and nonsense— _you’re vital to Super Junior, I’m not replacing you, I’m-I’m like a bandage, just holding things together until you come back_ —and Kyuhyun listened. 

Neither of them were naïve enough to believe that Kyuhyun would regain all of his voice again, but Zhoumi in his desperation and Kyuhyun in his desperation clung on. 

So that day when Kyuhyun laughed, more like rasped, he beckoned the tall Chinese man over and whispered, “Thank you.” 

Those were Kyuhyun’s last words for many years. 

(The doctors told him not to speak and just rest his vocal chords because there was a slim, slim chance that with surgery he could speak normally again—he’ll never be able to sing again. But Kyuhyun, young and angry and devastated, didn’t listen. 

It wasn’t until that tall, awkward and equally desperate man walked in with all the hope in the world on his lips that Kyuhyun felt like maybe, maybe he should believe too.) 

- 

 _twelve._  

It’s 2013. Kibum’s gone. Hangeng’s gone. Super Junior celebrated its 8th anniversary and Zhoumi is ridiculously successful—upcoming drama, radio show host, possible solo album, endorsements left and right, honestly what more can he want? 

The ELFs affectionately call him 13.5 nowadays. That was his number. They love him because of his voice, his face, his personality and his continuing relationship with Kyuhyun, their number 13. 

Kyuhyun graduated from his university with flying colors and over a hundred pictures with Zhoumi posted everywhere from weibo to twitter to instagram. It ranged from Kyuhyun studying and Zhoumi being annoying to Zhoumi recording and Kyuhyun being silly, but over the past five years, Zhoumi always had a picture like that on some social platform. 

True to his word, Zhoumi would not let anyone forget. Kyuhyun was one of them, a member of Super Junior. He might not stand on stage with them anymore, but Zhoumi insists that Super Junior became successful during U because of Kyuhyun. 

The other members laugh, patting him on the back or shoving him a little, when Zhoumi argues this. Things hurt less now than it did before and now all the members adore him. 

Yet— 

- 

 _thirteen_. 

During Super Show 5 in Seoul, Kyuhyun was there. It wasn’t strange or unusual because he’s attended the Super Shows before, but he was on stage. 

It was their ending mentions and somehow, they convinced Kyuhyun to stand with them. It was a lot of baiting from on the stage and a lot of chanting _Cho Kyuhyun, Cho Kyuhyun_ from the fans around him. In the end, Kyuhyun walked up and was shuffled between Zhoumi and Siwon. 

It was the first time Zhoumi stood on stage with Kyuhyun. It was the first time he looked next to him and saw Super Junior’s Kyuhyun—not college student Kyuhyun or sleep deprived Kyuhyun or computer gaming Kyuhyun or stuffing his face Kyuhyun. 

So he reaches over a couple of inches to intertwine their fingers. Kyuhyun looks up at him and Zhoumi decides he likes that feeling, being on stage with Kyuhyun next to him. 

And he tells himself the feeling when Kyuhyun leaves the stage was not heartbreak—for who, Zhoumi couldn’t say. 

(Kyuhyun wrote on a pad of paper. He scribbled down the words that he’s wanted to say, and thankfully the LCD screen on all sides of the stage projected them well. 

 _Zhoumi-hyung has worked hard. Even though he calls himself half a member, please regard him as a whole. He deserves nothing less._  

He wrote other things too— _I love Super Junior, I love ELFs, I love all my brothers, Hyukjae has smelly feet_ —but that’s the only one Zhoumi could remember at the end of the night. No one in the dorms say anything when he cries, only giving him comforting pats as they head to bed.)   

- 

 _thirteen point five_  

It must have been a strange dream. 

He sees crowds of Only13 signs stretched as far as the eye could go and hears the shrill screams of _get lost, we don’t want you_. It hurt. It burned the back of his eyelids as he tried to keep the tears in. No. No, don’t cry. Don’t give in. 

A warm hand intertwines its fingers with his. 

Zhoumi looks next to him and Kyuhyun is staring at him. He reaches up and whispers—yes, whispers, not writes or texts or, “Don’t mind them. Just look at us. Just look at me.” 

“Okay,” Zhoumi whispers back and leans into the arm around his waist, firm and comforting. They pull apart soon enough as they get into position for the next song. 

Kyuhyun is cheered as his lines come up, something cheesy about true love and acceptance, and Zhoumi steps up next. The silence beyond the music and his voice is loud, but the gentle touch against his back as he passes Kyuhyun in their choreography is louder. 

The next moment the comforting pressure gone and he’s on stage—Music Bank or Inkigayo or something—and all he hears over the music are the screams of his name. 

The back of his eyelids burn in guilt. He would give all this up just to have that moment again. Just to have Kyuhyun next to him and _singing_ — 

“Are you sure?”

 _Yes_. 

“Don’t regret.” 

- 

 _fourteen_. 

He wakes up disconcerted. The room is bright and something is crushing his arm. That dream was weird and when did he even fall asleep?   

He shifts and that something slips slightly and groans, “ _What time is it?_ ” 

It takes Zhoumi a moment to realize it was Chinese. It takes Zhoumi another moment to realize the person who spoke was Kyuhyun. 

Strange. He’s never failed to recognize Kyuhyun’s voice before. That dream must have really thrown him off and he didn’t even mean to doze. Kyuhyun was just really warm and the rhythm of his breathing lulled Zhoumi’s eyes shut. 

“ _12:50_ ,” Zhoumi answers back in Chinese, finally getting a grasp of where he was again. 

Kyuhyun merely breathes on him and soon the breathing evened out. Zhoumi shifted, looking down just in time to see Kyuhyun’s head slide down the slope of his shoulder. And it was a split second decision to reach for his phone. 

He snapped a picture, debated for a moment and posted it on weibo. 

Putting the phone down, he turns towards Kyuhyun with a smile and snuggles into the younger boy. Kyuhyun groans with a half coherent complaint and Zhoumi merely wriggles even more. 

Just to hear his voice again. 

- 

 _fifteen_. 

There are moments Zhoumi throws his hands up in the air and goes _fuck it_. This was one of those moments. 

He’s staring into Kyuhyun’s eyes, dark and waiting, trying desperately to come up with some excuse— _uh, that kiss was a joke? Heechul-hyung really rubs off on people_. But he can’t come up with anything plausible and Kyuhyun hasn’t escaped with disgust and utter annoyance. 

So Zhoumi figuratively throws his hands up in the air and goes _fuck it_. He kisses Kyuhyun again. This time soundly and firmly. There is no mistaking the intention; this was not a brief brush of the lips that could be laughed off. 

And Kyuhyun smiles. 

“ _I was tired of waiting for you_ ,” Kyuhyun says in Chinese. It was stilted between kisses and stolen breaths. 

Zhoumi doesn’t respond. He doesn’t need to. 

(He’s not an official member of Super Junior. He’s not loved by all the ELFs. He is but he’s not number fifteen and that’s okay. 

He has his Super Junior family. He has his Mitangs. He has his Kyuhyun. And other than minor annoyances and passing nuisances, everything was better than okay.) 

- 

 _thirteen point—_  

“I don’t mind being half a person. Not after meeting you,” Zhoumi said. His tone was lighthearted but the words held too much meaning to truly be carefree. 

Kyuhyun looked up from his homework—a scrawl of mathematical equations and words Zhoumi couldn’t understand—and frowns. They sat at the dining table, Kyuhyun with his university work and Zhoumi with his social medias. 

Grabbing a piece of spare paper, Kyuhyun writes, _Stop that. No one considers you half a person. I’ve never thought of anyone as_ half _a person._  

“I know. I know you don’t,” Zhoumi laughs. 

 _If you’re half a person, then you’re my half._  

The laughter dies and Zhoumi can only stare at that little sentence bordered by math and Korean. Kyuhyun seemed to realize exactly what he wrote and pulled the paper back franticly. 

Kyuhyun starts writing, then stops, then starts, then stops, then— 

“ _Kui Xian_ ,” Zhoumi says. 

Kyuhyun looks up, face flushed and eyes wild. Kyuhyun bites his lip and Zhoumi can’t look away. All it would take was leaning across the table and he knows Kyuhyun would stay. He knows he can convey everything without words because it’s not necessary. Not with him and Kyuhyun. Not anymore. 

But the words ring in his mind— _I’m not replacing you because you can’t sing anymore, I’m not taking everything you could have had because you lost your voice, I’m not in love with you because I feel guilty, I really_ —and they don’t stop. 

“Thank you.” 

(And that’s where this story ends.) 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sort of moving all my LJ stuff onto AO3. At least all my SuJu things (which comes out to be a grand whooping total of one). 
> 
> These types of stories always run through my head. I'm just a large angst pot of what-ifs and could-have-beens and alternate universes. 
> 
> I'll get more of my QMi stuff out. I have like...twenty 60% done fics.


End file.
